Today across the U.S. is Father’s Day. Father’s Day came about in the 20th century to compliment Mother’s Day, Father's Day history. Thanks to Social Media I am witnessing a Father’s Day massacre. Instead of getting the praise we deserve like Mothers do on their day we are reminded of those who have fallen short in their duty as fathers.
I can’t speak for every father just like I can’t speak for every
Black, Muslim, male, geek or athlete. What I can is give you a glimpse into what
it’s like to be greeted with cheers and hear the boos.
This blog will shock many who have known me for a long time and never knew what I am about to say. This is my story, song and therapy.
From an early childhood I remember the good and bad times of being raised by a single mother in the 70’s. I remember her working hard to keep our two person family fed, clothed, and maintained. The funny thing is I never really wondered about my father more than I wondered where her husband was.
As I grew up I always felt special but a little too special. It was almost like I different. One day while playing with my cousins they said I wasn’t one of them I was adopted. I brushed it off as cruel things we said to each other.
I still recall the day I officially met my birth mother. I had seen her before but was just introduced to her as a lady my mom knew. When I met my mother again she didn’t really have to say anything I just knew it was her. The prodigal son had returned to his mother’s life at 14. Coping with 2 head strong women protective over the same son is another blog for the ages but I digress.
I can’t speak for every father just like I can’t speak for every
Black, Muslim, male, geek or athlete. What I can is give you a glimpse into what
it’s like to be greeted with cheers and hear the boos.
This blog will shock many who have known me for a long time and never knew what I am about to say. This is my story, song and therapy.
From an early childhood I remember the good and bad times of being raised by a single mother in the 70’s. I remember her working hard to keep our two person family fed, clothed, and maintained. The funny thing is I never really wondered about my father more than I wondered where her husband was.
As I grew up I always felt special but a little too special. It was almost like I different. One day while playing with my cousins they said I wasn’t one of them I was adopted. I brushed it off as cruel things we said to each other.
I still recall the day I officially met my birth mother. I had seen her before but was just introduced to her as a lady my mom knew. When I met my mother again she didn’t really have to say anything I just knew it was her. The prodigal son had returned to his mother’s life at 14. Coping with 2 head strong women protective over the same son is another blog for the ages but I digress.
Let’s jump forward another 10 years. I was my 5th years in the Air Force, I was new to Islam, and coming into my own as a man. I was at my
cousin’s cookout and I was introduced to my father. What do you think happened next? I can hear some of say you cussed him out, you cried, you turned your back and walked away, you fought him, etc. I said “Hello” shook his hand and continued enjoying one of my cousin’s classic cookouts.
In the 20 years I have officially known my father I believe he
is more damaged by his actions than I am. I don’t resent, hate, or dislike him.
He had his reasons for his actions and whether I or anyone else agrees this is
what was done and life continued. To this day he still thinks I have negative
feelings for him. I don’t. I love my father because he is my father. I have never said anything bad about him because what good would it do. We don’t keep in touch other than when we see
each other in person and it seems to work for him so it works for me. Many are probably saying huh, what, how, why? Because, I too am a father.
cousin’s cookout and I was introduced to my father. What do you think happened next? I can hear some of say you cussed him out, you cried, you turned your back and walked away, you fought him, etc. I said “Hello” shook his hand and continued enjoying one of my cousin’s classic cookouts.
In the 20 years I have officially known my father I believe he
is more damaged by his actions than I am. I don’t resent, hate, or dislike him.
He had his reasons for his actions and whether I or anyone else agrees this is
what was done and life continued. To this day he still thinks I have negative
feelings for him. I don’t. I love my father because he is my father. I have never said anything bad about him because what good would it do. We don’t keep in touch other than when we see
each other in person and it seems to work for him so it works for me. Many are probably saying huh, what, how, why? Because, I too am a father.
On 13 May 96 I received a phone call while in my door room at Hickam AFB, HI saying I was going to be a father. I immediately thought of my upbringing and the lack of a father my first 24. I covered some of my journey in my blog Yes We Exist. I knew I didn’t want the same for my daughter or me.
When my daughter entered the world I was right there. I was so close I saw here coming out of her mother and asked the nurse “What is that?” to which she responded your daughter‘s head. I remember taking her into the bathroom to say an Islamic prayer for her as is the ritual for children who are Muslim or born of African descent.
I did not marry my daughter’s mother even tho I am well aware of what scripture says. I also didn’t do what many of the vitriolic Facebook posts, tweets, and stereotypes for men, black men and military men says we do, I did not run. My daughter’s mom tried to use underhanded
techniques to keep me under her control such as threaten to remove my daughter from my house and not let me see her. I did not cave. From day one I told my daughter’s mother and her parents I would be there and take care of our daughter and even take her full custody if need be. I was always told don’t worry about it I could visit anytime I wanted to see my daughter there was definitely no need to file for joint custody. I did not fall for the ookie doke. I took my daughter’s mother to court for joint custody and so that I could pay her child support. Re-read the sentence yes I took her to court so I could pay her child support. When I arrived in court the judge looked at me and said he already knew how he was going to rule before I or the state presented our cases. I looked at him and said no you don’t and explained to him I am the one who asked to be here and what I wanted to do and the state backed me up. He had to take back his words and I was granted joint custody.
I left my daughter in Hawaii when she was 9 months old to return to the states and go to Air Force Computer Programming School, in Biloxi MS, while there I called here every day at least once. It pained me to be away from her but I had to do what was right for both of us. After graduating school I was stationed at the National Security Agency, Ft. Meade MD. I moved into an apartment just as I did in Hawaii in preparation for the arrival of my daughter.
One day I was sitting at work and called to talk to my daughte and couldn’t get in touch with her mother and was told no one knew where she was and that I couldn’t take my daughter from Hawaii because a lawyer said so. Less than 4 hours later I was on a military flight from Dover AFB to Travis AFB via military plane to catch a flight to Hawaii on Emergency Leave. I called the Honolulu police department and informed them my daughter was parentally being kidnapped and needed their help. They informed me once I arrived as long as I had paperwork with me if there was any problem they would arrest my daughter’s mother for violating a court order. I informed my daughter’s mother’s people of this and when I arrived in Hawaii my daughter magically appeared.
I was given grief for taking my daughter back with me by her family. They said it would ruin my child, she wouldn’t know how to cope, and more fodder. I was given the option of letting her stay in Hawaii and me and my family could fly there anytime we wanted to see her. Once again not falling for the okie doke.
I decided for many personal reasons I wanted full custody of my daughter and went about researching how to get it sans a lawyer. It was amazing how supportive people who didn’t know me were on my journey to full custody. I was granted full custody and here we are today.
When my daughter entered the world I was right there. I was so close I saw here coming out of her mother and asked the nurse “What is that?” to which she responded your daughter‘s head. I remember taking her into the bathroom to say an Islamic prayer for her as is the ritual for children who are Muslim or born of African descent.
I did not marry my daughter’s mother even tho I am well aware of what scripture says. I also didn’t do what many of the vitriolic Facebook posts, tweets, and stereotypes for men, black men and military men says we do, I did not run. My daughter’s mom tried to use underhanded
techniques to keep me under her control such as threaten to remove my daughter from my house and not let me see her. I did not cave. From day one I told my daughter’s mother and her parents I would be there and take care of our daughter and even take her full custody if need be. I was always told don’t worry about it I could visit anytime I wanted to see my daughter there was definitely no need to file for joint custody. I did not fall for the ookie doke. I took my daughter’s mother to court for joint custody and so that I could pay her child support. Re-read the sentence yes I took her to court so I could pay her child support. When I arrived in court the judge looked at me and said he already knew how he was going to rule before I or the state presented our cases. I looked at him and said no you don’t and explained to him I am the one who asked to be here and what I wanted to do and the state backed me up. He had to take back his words and I was granted joint custody.
I left my daughter in Hawaii when she was 9 months old to return to the states and go to Air Force Computer Programming School, in Biloxi MS, while there I called here every day at least once. It pained me to be away from her but I had to do what was right for both of us. After graduating school I was stationed at the National Security Agency, Ft. Meade MD. I moved into an apartment just as I did in Hawaii in preparation for the arrival of my daughter.
One day I was sitting at work and called to talk to my daughte and couldn’t get in touch with her mother and was told no one knew where she was and that I couldn’t take my daughter from Hawaii because a lawyer said so. Less than 4 hours later I was on a military flight from Dover AFB to Travis AFB via military plane to catch a flight to Hawaii on Emergency Leave. I called the Honolulu police department and informed them my daughter was parentally being kidnapped and needed their help. They informed me once I arrived as long as I had paperwork with me if there was any problem they would arrest my daughter’s mother for violating a court order. I informed my daughter’s mother’s people of this and when I arrived in Hawaii my daughter magically appeared.
I was given grief for taking my daughter back with me by her family. They said it would ruin my child, she wouldn’t know how to cope, and more fodder. I was given the option of letting her stay in Hawaii and me and my family could fly there anytime we wanted to see her. Once again not falling for the okie doke.
I decided for many personal reasons I wanted full custody of my daughter and went about researching how to get it sans a lawyer. It was amazing how supportive people who didn’t know me were on my journey to full custody. I was granted full custody and here we are today.
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